daft joke time

Paddy and his wife are lying in bed and the neighbours' dog is barking like mad in the garden. Paddy says "To hell with this!" and storms off.
He comes back upstairs 5 minutes later and his wife asks "What did you do ?"
Paddy replies "I've put the dog in our garden. Let's see how they like it!" [][^]

nicked of the fmttm
Many men have nicknames for their penises. Mine was given to me by a girlfriend whilst she was giving me head. She named it "The Impaler".....yes The Impaler. Or at least thats what I thought she said ?
Turns out she was asthmatic and its my fault she died.

thornabyred wrote:nicked of the fmttm
Many men have nicknames for their penises. Mine was given to me by a girlfriend whilst she was giving me head. She named it "The Impaler".....yes The Impaler. Or at least thats what I thought she said ?
Turns out she was asthmatic and its my fault she died.

Lol, my joke is the best ever though.

Why did the chickin cross teh road?

He didnt.

I am laughing so much Shem,Laughing at your stupidity though.

My turn.

O.M.G ,
Shem are you ok? Ring me as soon as possible. I saw the special bus flip over on the main road and i know you dont like to wear your helmet as you struggle to lick the windows. You dont know how worried i am,please let me know your safe!!!

A football match between india and pakistan had to be abandoned after a red card was issued. 50000 fans invaded the pitch thinking it was a british pass-port.




One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.

The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.

He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.

Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.

The blonde started laughing.

This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.

This time the blonde laughed even harder.

Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.

The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.

The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

[quote="roversboy4lyf"]I am laughing so much Shem,Laughing at your stupidity though.

My turn.

O.M.G ,
Shem are you ok? Ring me as soon as possible. I saw the special bus flip over on the main road and i know you dont like to wear your helmet as you struggle to lick the windows. You dont know how worried i am,please let me know your safe!!!

A football match between india and pakistan had to be abandoned after a red card was issued. 50000 fans invaded the pitch thinking it was a british pass-port.




One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.

The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.

He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.

Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.

The blonde started laughing.

This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.

This time the blonde laughed even harder.

Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.

The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.

The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"[/



Some more...

blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.

The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.

The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.

Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.

Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.

To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.

The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"

The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"



There was a blonde driving down the road listening to the radio. The announcer was telling blonde joke after blonde joke until the blonde was so mad that she turned her radio off. A mile down the road, she saw another blonde out in a corn field in a boat rowing. The blonde stopped her car jumped out and yelled, "It's blondes like you that give us all a bad name. If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!"


A blonde reports for her university final exam which consists of mainly true and false questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet: true for heads and false for tails. Within thirty minutes she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still working furiously.

During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is happening.

"I finished the exam in a half hour," she replies. "Now I'm rechecking my answers."



Please dont be offended by any of my blonde jokes.

I'm not offended by any of them rovers. I'm a natural blonde and there are many times where even having brown hair can't hide. Fortunately I'm not always the classic blonde but I can see exactly where these jokes come from.